Healing the Pain

In order to move on you must heal, that is to say acknowledge, process and forgive. 
Whilst trying to discover the why behind my lifetime struggle with being overweight, then losing weight just to put it back on again and bipolarism lead me to find suppressed memories of sexual abuse. I went into shock at first, this took a few months to digest, I had no idea that this was a part of my life! After this time came acknowledgement and understanding, my whole life suddenly began to make so much sense. Bad relationship after bad relationship scattered with verbal, emotional and physical abuse amongst twenty years of unstable moods from mania to depression, year after year. The battle with my excess weight was an unsuccessful unconscious effort to feel protected from predation, however, many times to no avail.

With time and inquisition emotions began to surface. When faced with old raw emotion of stemming from your childhood, a child who knew no right from wrong, nor how to feel in such adverse situations as intimacy with a boy and then a man. I was so young, naïve, confused and scared. How do I as an adult address such emotion? How can they be expressed? Who can I reveal this truth to? And how can I move on from such an awareness?

The process; with awareness comes acknowledgement and understanding that helps settle questions for a questioning mind is not able to receive the answers. When faced with the expression of suppressed emotions it is not so simple. One is not simple able to conger up rage, despair, anger or grief it must be encouraged to be, one needs to be ready to face them perhaps directed and supported. Fortunately, life does offer situations or the perfect person to help you all you need do is ask and then listen. 

Healing takes time, energy and effort, one must be gentle with themselves and patient. As they say it is not the destination but the journey and this is the same with healing. Yes, you desire resolution and peace yet as you reveal, process and release old patterns, emotions and stories slowly but surely you transform. As a caterpillar transforms into a butterfly this to takes time so be patient expect resolution and change yet appreciate the time it takes. If it all happened at once I think I would have passed out! It would have been too much to handle. 

As with everything remember all is as it needs to be. Trust, acceptance and forgiveness will come.

Billy Flett


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